woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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