drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
