thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
