So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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