I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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