Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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