Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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