Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
