The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
