I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So vagazzling was a success
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
