Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
