pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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