What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
do herpes really smell.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
