Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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