My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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