the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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