he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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