i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im holly from the hills drunk
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize