His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
