So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
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playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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