you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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