She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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