I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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