i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
