Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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