dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
