I wish I could teleport
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
