literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
