By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Text me some of your sweat
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
