Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
