actually, I'm a sock model
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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