You're completely useless in the revolution.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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