I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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