this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
