I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
