The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
