Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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