My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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