The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
high people should be assigned attendants
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
