im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish I could teleport
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
