Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
