Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
