I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
