I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
