She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
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I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize