The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
