And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
