I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
