Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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