He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
