just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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