dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
