I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
