Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
