So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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