He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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