So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
