Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
