So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
