I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
