I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
