i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
