Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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