I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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