is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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