PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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