I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so let's talk penis.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
