i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
