final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
