haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
