A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
