its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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