Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
