you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
