So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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