I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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